:: Bigjoe's World (Not Elmo's) ::

:: Thursday, February 02, 2006 ::

This week i've had alot of time to think and ponder on stuff. One such thing i thought about came about because of a trailer i saw on tv this morning. Broke Back Mountain was the trailer. Been seeing it from the time i got back here as a top contender for oscars and the like. I didn't know why it was so apparently hot but then i found out over the weekend that the pic is about 2 bulling cowboys who grew up bulling as cunt and knew each other, got married and then apparently found back each other. Hearing this was extremely, extremely shocking cause i couldn't believe Hollywood could big up a pic like this so much; but then i realised something. Hollywood love to push homosexuality into the publics face. They just want everyone to accept gayness in this country. I think it is pure cunt..plain and simple. A picture or a sitcom can't get no where or attain huge recognition unless it got a bulla in it some where? I guess the average person don't think about these things but i guess when u get time on your hands you tend to think alot. Gayness is the in thing for real now boy, if you aint a botty u aint nobody. I aint even laughing at that dread cause that just disgusted me thinking about all the shit i see on a day. I even know a botty personally because of 1 of the bajan girls that i'm friends with that goes to school with me. He's a cool fella but he already know i don't run that route so he don't do any strange things towards me or flirt or anything; but i've seen this man in action already, throwing himself like a girl on a fella. I guess he could smell the other guy's gayness or juiciness (my face twisted right now)lol. It aint the norm to be straight no more boh, but i going to stay in the minority. If not please, please,pppplllllleeeeaaassseeee, let somebody come and put a brick in the top of my head.lol

I don't know if any of you know James Blunt. I surely didn't know of him but he brought out an album last year, don't know the exact date though. Well the point is i heard 2 songs by him last week and i was intrigued by him and decided to get the album. He has some good songs for real but he had 1 song in particular that made me feel all mixed up inside. Mixed in the sense of it being a great song but it touched my emotions as well. There are just some songs that have parts in them that make words seem more than just words, words are just more than words. Anyways take a listen to him if the song intrigues you.



Goodbye My Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

:: Bigjoe @ 4:37 PM :: | ::
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My Geology professor for Earth Systems Analysis is an Italian. I won't even try to type her name for fear of spelling it wrong and looking utterly stupid. She's around 40 something, has the typical non shape of a white woman, smokes like 85% of ppl around,but(yes u knew a but was coming)she's very pretty for a woman her age still so i must commend her on that. There's 1 other thing that i failed to mention: Italian accents are hormonious. I couldn't find another word to describe it cause it sounds that good. I never spoke to a real italian and the thing is there tons of them around here but listening to her in class was like listening to music; music that i could not quite understand all the time mind you.lol. So after the first 30 minutes i got over the accent and thing but then came the bad part. She came to check and see if i was getting through with my work and when she spoke she was near to me. Good Gracious Me!!! The smoker's breath i got nearly cause me to give the woman a head butt. It was stale like the fungus on bread. No lies here on my part. This breath was like a 10 year astray. From then on i made sure not to ask her for help but to ask 1 of my classmates whenever i wasn't sure about the going ons in the program i was using. I don't know how ppl do it but i just could not and cannot find myself dating somebody who smokes unless they got rid of that smokey breath everytime they were around me. I guess some ppl really do have their own preferrences cause you gotta have a really different taste to appreciate a smokey ass mouth.

On another note, recently i just have not been able to sleep at nights. I twist and turn for minutes, up to an hour just to try and get to sleep. To some of you that may not seem like anything much but let me explain that i'm a man who can fall asleep in a second. I'd be fully awake and then let me shut my eyes for a second and it's all over. Sometimes i feel so proud of my "ability" that i want to show it off.lol But alas i haven't been able to get to sleep quickly at all and it is bothering me to the point that i start feeling very miserable. Up to last night i was up till 3.30 in the morning U.S. time and it's only the 2nd week of school. I don't do that kinda thing until late semester and even then i want to sleep. Last night i was reading and just didn't feel like sleeping. Please don't tell me the book had my interest because no book, not even a car book, could keep me up at that kinda time cause once i start reading i will only last on that book as long as my eyes will allow me to read until they close. But last night i was like a crack addict on some new shit (confused emoticon here please). I don't think i can do anything about it until my mind is put at ease i guess. Anyways, time for some lunch.

:: Bigjoe @ 9:42 AM :: | ::
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I just realised i could post a pic so i decided to show my viewers the dreaded snow farter on the right and the bald headed 1 is the owner of the dog in 2 of my previous blogs. Just said i'd add a face to these ppl i speak of. Now you know the faces of who i curse on uh day.

:: Bigjoe @ 7:30 PM :: | ::
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Me and my roommate were coming home the other night and it was pretty damn cold. Cold as in 20 something degrees cold. So out of the blue he just reasoned,"1 of these days i'd like to just pull down my pants and fart just to see if i can see the frost." I honestly didn't know what to say, he left me stunned, shocked, lost, retarded even. Where the hell did that come from.lol. So i asked him how he'd be able to see it and he said he'd just set up a tripod, pull the reard of his boxers down and let her rip. Well let me tell you, he does let them rip. Sometimes a bit too much. Whtite shitty bitch he is.LOL. Nah but seriously he thinks up somethings sometimes that i just cannot grasp very well. It's as if he's bored and the weirdest things just come to mind. Alas i told him i hope his bird doesn't freeze considering it's gotta be pretty cold to see the air, or there has to be lots of water molecules in it too.

On another note i went to Connecticut this weekend for another meet and it was at Wesleyan University. This is a sports school that is purely 99% white. At this meet my school and 2 others were the only 1's that had any black ppl in it, and there were over 10 other teams there. I didn't feel weird until i was outside warming up and was passing this 1 guy and he gave me this weird look. I wasn't paranoid cause i wasn't thinking anything b4. But this look he gave me was like, like, i don't feel comfortable being near to you. I don't know if he was afraid or he wanted to tie me up and linch me but it was weird none the less. From then on i was very wary of the athletes around me, cause i would only gotta drop my bajan aggression on somebody ass. Anyways wasn't a bad meet. Didn't win my races but improved on my 400m time. Could only get better as time goes on.

On another note once again i feel like i lose a part of me 2night. Being in NY makes me miss everything and makes everything extremely hard. Sometimes i try to tell myself that if i try to enjoy life here i would feel better about life but no matter how many small little things i do to make life feel better it doesn't, it won't, and it's not that i don't want it to, it's because every and anything i want, just isn't here, or rather, it just isn't here with me. That's the killer. Being here makes me feel as though i losing out on life when really and truly i'm not cause i'm living life but i'm losing out on life back home. Being here is just changing my life completely and it's not a good change...




What's the price we all have to and willing to pay to further our selves in life in any way while trying to maintain our sanity, moral value and the core person we are without destroying what he have already. That's really something to think about.

:: Bigjoe @ 6:34 PM :: | ::
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